There’s a new book out right now by feminist blogger Jessica Valenti called “The Purity Myth: How America’s Obsession with Virginity Is Hurting Young Women”

The Book Description on Amazon.com
The United States is obsessed with virginity — from the media to schools to government agencies. In The Purity Myth Jessica Valenti argues that the country’s intense focus on chastity is damaging to young women. Through in-depth cultural and social analysis, Valenti reveals that powerful messaging on both extremes — ranging from abstinence curriculum to “Girls Gone Wild” infomercials — place a young woman’s worth entirely on her sexuality. Morals are therefore linked purely to sexual behavior, rather than values like honesty, kindness, and altruism. Valenti sheds light on the value — and hypocrisy — around the notion that girls remain virgin until they’re married by putting into context the historical question of purity, modern abstinence-only education, pornography, and public punishments for those who dare to have sex. The Purity Myth presents a revolutionary argument that girls and women are overly valued for their sexuality, as well as solutions for a future without a damaging emphasis on virginity.

Here’s the problem that Valenti is missing- sex goes way beyond simply ‘doing it’.  We’re talking about purity and righteousness…living a life that pleases God. The reasons that God created marriage was to set up protective boundaries so that women wouldn’t get hurt AT ALL.  Both extremes are dangerous places to be- whether the far-flung world of porn and prostitution, or the hyper-religious beliefs of not even being around boys until you marry one.

Valenti is right about something- we need to put less focus on virginity.  I know many girls who are now living PURE, HOLY, RIGHTEOUS lives despite their past mistakes and choices.  But Valenti is wrong about it too…she’s throwing out the baby with the bathwater. The solution isn’t to simply not care about virginity.  It’s to care more and more about character growth and becoming like Jesus.

Jay

A couple years ago I had a lot of resentment and bitterness toward people I felt had let me down.  I was weighed down by unforgiveness.  During this time I started reading a book called Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, which had a part in it that hit me hard:

“A refusal to forgive means that God stands back and lets you cope with your problems in your own strength.”

And I found this to be very true.  When I held onto my unforgiveness, it was as if I was sapped of all strength.  It was as if I was weighed down and chained to my dark and bitter thoughts.  Joy had been evading me. 

I began to start forgiving.  God saw my obedience and began to bless me with peace, joy, and true freedom.

Is there someone you need to forgive?  How long do you want to let yourself be chained by resentment?  The joy of the Lord is your strength, so forgive and get it back!

Michelle

I just had two friends visit us all the way from Finland.  The three of us met on the first day of “English emersion” school in grade one, and have been friends ever since. But the Atlantic Ocean has separated us for over 10 years now, and it was wonderful to see them again.

One thing that brought me so much joy was watching them experience Canadian firsts.  Here are some of them:

Taking them to see a movie at the drive-in

Teaching them how to use a Canadian tap (one of them tried and tried to wash her hands in our bathroom but could not figure out how to get the tap to work)

Smelling a skunk

Candy apples

Making the grilled cheese (they had no idea what it was…they thought grilled cheese was just cheese grilled in a pan by itself)

Taking them to Wonderland

It made me think of other firsts…ones that have more meaning, more impact, and more consequences.

First crush

First kiss

First sexual encounter

First baby

First spouse

First divorce

These are all really big firsts.  It struck me that when we travel we plan out our firsts, but when it comes to life we don’t think quite to clearly sometimes.  We often don’t think about our first kiss or when we give away our virginity.

As we head into the weekend and into the summer, let’s be careful about how we live out our firsts.  Then, at the end of our lives when we look back, we can remember them with joy, not regret.

Michelle

There are a number of random, non-connected questions that I have for women.  Feel free to comment, email, tweet, message, or chat with me about the answers.

Here we go…

How many time do you think the average girl has had her heart broken by a guy?

What do you think women are supposed to do while they’re waiting for prince charming?

Do girls actually not notice their perky nipples?  Do they count it as modest just because they’re covered up?

What are your thought on women preaching in church?

What is a 21st century woman’s place in the home? In the church? In society? In history?

If you could get paid $100,000 per year to do anything, education didn’t matter, and you had to work 40 hours per week, what would you do?

What do you really think of guys?

What are your thoughts on homosexuality? Do you have an lesbian friends?  Gay friends?

What are the most important things that you are looking for in a guy?

What worries you the most about raising children someday?

What is/will be the biggest challenge in marriage for you?

How do you grow your relationship with God?

Do you wish your boyfriend/spouse would take a more spiritual leadership role in your relationship?

Any other questions I should be asking?

Jay

Jay and I started watching the show Prison Break a while ago, and finished all four seasons within a few months.  As I was watching one of the early episodes, I was alerted to something that I did not realize was in my heart.  As we got to know some of the characters, I began to hate one with a passion: T-Bag. He was in prison for raping and murdering children, an he was truly a disgusting character the whole way through.  At one point in the show, I remember filling with anger and thinking “even Jesus cannot save this man.”  I didn’t want people like him to ever experience the grace and forgiveness of Christ.

When we were driving to the movie store later that night, I burst into tears and told Jay what I had thought.  I had doubted the power of the Cross and completely denied the power that Jesus holds to redeem the lives of the ugliest sinners.  Even child molesters.

As I have mentioned on this blog before, I am passionate about the fight to end sex trafficking.  I realized that men who traffic women and sell them into a life of rape are just like T-Bag: the ugliest of sinners.  Yet I can’t let hatred for traffickers overtake my life, because Jesus died for them as well.  That is such a hard pill for me to swallow.  Yes, traffickers and child molesters deserve punishment for their actions. Sin always has consequences. But we must believe that Jesus Christ has the power to redeem even them.  The same eternal life that is available to us is available to them…if they choose Jesus as their Saviour and Lord.

Who have you written off as unforgivable?  Let us repent of our unbelief and remember the earth shattering power of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

Michelle