11
A Dark Space in the Male Mind
What, you actually though nobody else knew?
Just because you and the boy go to church doesn’t fool anyone.
You’ve been messing around for years. And as things tend to go, you eventually started sleeping together.
It has wrecked your spiritual walk, that much is clear.
It has destroyed some of your relationships, that’s obvious.
You want to change, but you don’t know how to end it.
You’re sick of hiding and living a lie, I can tell.
The entire story is written in your eyes.
Have you ever stopped to ask these questions...
Why would he marry you if he’s already having sex with you?
Why does he actually love you?
Are you worth so little?
What if he’s not your future husband?
What happens when your little secret goes public (pregnancy or otherwise)?
If he’s willing to cheat on his marriage with you, what’s stopping him from cheating our yours too?
Let me help you get inside a dark part of the guy’s mind…
Trust me on this, I know how we think…and your boy is no different. Why do you think it takes much longer for some guys to get married? Many are already getting everything they want. Why marry when you’ve already got the goods? Why commit to more responsibility when less will do just fine? Why shell out tons of money for a wedding, a ring, a honeymoon, and an apartment when you can continue to live like an immature high-schooler? Why do that when sex only costs as much as dinner and a movie? It even makes me grimace to say, but let’s be very honest- for the literal majority of guys, you’re only as valuable as the availability of your vagina.
The truth is, the minute he realizes you’re done playing this game, he gone. I’ve actually seen this happen before when a girl starts living in the light. Maybe he’s gone the first night, maybe after the 20th rejection. But he’ll be gone.
But it’s what you need to do if you ever expect to have God bring a godly man into your life who will love you for more than your body. For a man who will commit. Cherish. Value. Protect. Provide. Encourage. Sharpen. Grow.
Let it go. Let go. Let God. Trust God. End it.
Jay
May 13th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Hi Jay
I think that I’m in full agreement with what you’ve posted but I’ve been struggling lately to find biblical references that speak to these things — ie. where does God tell us that physical intimacy (not necessarily just sex) can “destroy your spiritual walk”? Where does God let us know that it isn’t just sex that is sinful — it’s not necessarily the “how far is too far” question, but I’ve been struggling lately to find the biblical basis for avoiding things like sleeping over and fooling around (without having sex) — it all feels true (like it’s a bad idea to do those things) but I think… I just need it to be clear. clearer than my own intuition. Does that make sense?
May 23rd, 2009 at 10:40 am
Hi S,
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The Lord will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life.
(check this out)
Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit.
That’s from 1 Thessalonians 4.
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body… You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. (that’s 1 Corinthians 6)
God says to avoid ALL sexual immorality- that means EVERYTHING sexual. Lust, porn, masturbation, fooling around, oral, anal, intercourse, affairs, homosexuality, rape, child abuse, and strip poker. Sin separates us from God. Every time.
No where in the Bible does it says that I can’t use crack cocaine. But I don’t. And I don’t need a verse to instruct me either. Here’s why- wisdom speaks. Through Scripture, through the Holy Spirit in prayer. Through the godly community that you choose to surround yourself with. Do not just ‘trust your intuition.’ Do not follow your heart. You must lead your heart.
The biggest questions you need to ask are- what is God’s will for my life? What is God’s will for my sexuality? Where can I find the answers?
You’re gonna make it S.
Jay
June 2nd, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Why would he marry you if he’s already having sex with you? - For the literal majority of guys, you’re only as valuable as the availability of your vagina.
Really? Not to promote pre-marital sex, but if the only reason he is marrying you is for sex that doesn’t seem like a very good reason. When the question “Why buy the cow if the milk is free?” seems to come up too frequently as a good argument for waiting to get married. You could also buy the cow for meat, leather, and if you’re like Jack in the Beanstalk, for companionship.
As you obviously believe, sex is an important and integral part of every marriage. I understand that milk is an important part of the cow, you don’t just want it to cuddle. While some of your other points in this post are important issues to consider, I would hope any future husband wouldn’t have to be baited into marrying a woman. Instead, he too would want to commit because of his love for her, not just because she was withholding sex.
June 10th, 2009 at 6:26 am
I would hope that also!
LOL…love the cow analogy…just remember girls- you’re NOT the meat market!