Last week Jay went to Chicago for a couple days, and I got to spend some time catching up with friends and visiting family in Guelph. It was awesome! Guelph, with its eco-friendly stores and fair trade coffee shops, was a welcome break from “steel city’s” factories and traffic.
One evening I was having tea with a friend that I haven’t seen for a while, and she told me about a lesson she has been learning lately: self pity is self worship. It has a strange ring to it, but I think it is very true. I have often found myself pitying myself for various reasons. Here’s a list of things that either I have pitied myself for or seen others pity themselves over:
I’m not as pretty as her
I’m not smart enough to do anything of value
My family is not as loving/fun/adventurous/supportive as theirs
All my friends are dating and I’m still single
All my friends are getting married and I’m still single
My boyfriend dumped me
I’m not making as much money as they are
I’m too tall/ too dark/ too white/ too skinny/ too fat
My marks aren’t good enough
All these things can be painful and are certainly legitimate things to struggle with. But do we allow them to take over our thoughts and lives? Do they start shaping our actions? I believe that self-pity can lead to negative and harmful actions, like developing eating disorders, harbouring resentment and bitterness toward others, having a bad attitude, refusing to take healthy risks, dressing immodestly to get attention, or just giving up on life. These actions are the fruit of idolatry. We idolize ourselves, our comfort, and our pride over the God of the universe, who made us, loves us, blesses us, equips us, forgives us, and believes in us.
Don’t get me wrong; God wants us to be real with Him. He understands that there are times we are so broken and hurt we can’t even express it in words. But I know that in my life, choosing to dwell in self-pity leads to nothing more than regrets and frustration. God tells us in His word to dwell in Him. So let’s cancel our pity parties for this week and do that instead, because He alone can provide us with the strength to carry on.
This is a blog post I read this week by Mark Batterson. He is a pastor of a church in Washington DC and was notified a couple weeks ago that they can no longer meet in Union Station for their services. He is now looking for a new place to hold their church meetings, and the post below reveals what God has been teaching him through it all. It goes hand-in-hand with my previous post on No Boys Allowed, and I hope his words make you think as much as they have made me think!
“Here is a lesson I’m learning. When you are spiritually immature, you find the greatest peace when you’re in comfortable circumstances. But as you grow spiritually, comfort makes you uncomfortable. I’m honestly not trying to “spin” the situation we’re in looking for a replacement for Union Station. But I can honestly say that I have a peace that passes understanding. After a little grieving, I’m strangely energized by our predicament. Here’s the bottom line: we ought to be most peaceful in circumstances that require divine intervention. Why? Because all the pressure is off of us. There is nothing we can do about it.
Are you at peace? Is it because you are comfortable? Or is it because you’re in a situation that requires a miracle? All of us want a miracle, but most of us don’t want to be in situations that necessitate one! I think spiritual maturity manifests itself as peace in impossible circumstances because of an unconditional and uncircumstantial trust in God.”
love, love, love your last couple posts! I couldnt agree more about the point you made about uncomfortable fulfillment.. im learning alot about this topic in my work with homeless kids, and find myself getting addicted to being uncomfortable, lol!
I have been absolutely loving my journey through God’s Word this week. Right now I am immersed in the book of Luke, and the words of Jesus are having a profound impact on me. One passage got me thinking today about a pet peeve of mine, or should I say, a sorrow in my heart.
I know some people who call themselves Christians and are always willing to boldly defend Jesus until they are blue in the face, but deny Him with their lifestyle. I would rather be a Christian who does not feel the need to get into fierce arguments to ‘prove’ God but to reflect Him with my lifestyle.
I am not claiming to be a perfect Christian; I know full well that I fall short all the time. But I know people who justify their lifestyle of careless sin by participating in a few religious debates every now and then. As long as they ‘defend’ God with their words, they can live however they want and still call themselves Christ followers.
Here is a challenge for those of you who like to debate: stay silent on issues of faith and watch if people can notice yours through the way you live. If they don’t, you have no right to be debating in the first place.
In Luke 6 Jesus Himself says this:
So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say? I will show you what it is like when someone comes to me, listens to my teaching, and then follows it. It is like a person building a house who digs deep and lays the foundation on solid rock. When the floodwaters rise and break against the house, it stands firm because it is well built. But anyone who hears and doesn’t obey is like a person who builds a house without a foundation. When the floods sweep down against that house, it will collapse into a heap of ruins.
Last week Taiwan was hit by Typhoon Morakot. The clip below is a good reminder for all of us to build a strong foundation. How do we do that? Through obedience to the One we claim to love.
A couple years ago I had a lot of resentment and bitterness toward people I felt had let me down. I was weighed down by unforgiveness. During this time I started reading a book called Total Forgiveness by R.T. Kendall, which had a part in it that hit me hard:
“A refusal to forgive means that God stands back and lets you cope with your problems in your own strength.”
And I found this to be very true. When I held onto my unforgiveness, it was as if I was sapped of all strength. It was as if I was weighed down and chained to my dark and bitter thoughts. Joy had been evading me.
I began to start forgiving. God saw my obedience and began to bless me with peace, joy, and true freedom.
Is there someone you need to forgive? How long do you want to let yourself be chained by resentment? The joy of the Lord is your strength, so forgive and get it back!
One thing that I have learned from Michelle is that when one forgives, you have to recognize that the person may not change. They may not be sorry for how they hurt you. They may always treat you that way. In spite of that, you are able to experience freedom by forgiving them and loving them without condition of them changing or ’saying sorry first’. Let the freedom Christ brought through the forgiveness of wrongs.
I think that is what makes forgiving hard sometimes…we’d feel a lot better if they begged for it at our feet. But often that does not happen. Another quote from the book I read is this: “When we know and face fully what they did, and accept in our hearts that they will be blessed without any consequence for their wrong, we cross over into a supernatural realm. We begin to be a little more like Jesus, to change into the image of Christ.” This does not mean that we have to let people walk all over us and abuse us. Forgiveness is an issue of the heart, and when we get to the place where we are okay with that person being blessed by God regardless of what they did…wow…that certainly is a sign that God has worked on your heart!
On Friday I read something by Oswald Chambers that I wanted to share with you as this week winds down. I hope it serves as an encouragement to you.
“Perseverance means more than endurance - more than simply holding on until the end. A saint’s life is in the hands of God like a bow and arrow in the hands of an archer. God is aiming at something the saint cannot see, but our Lord continues to stretch and strain, and every once in a while the saint says, ‘I can’t take any more.’ Yet God pays no attention; he goes on stretching until His purpose is in sight, and then He lets the arrow fly. Entrust yourself to God’s hands. Is there something in your life for which you need pereseverance right now? Maintain your intimate relationship with Jesus Christ through the perseverance of faith. Proclaim as Job did, ‘Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him.’ Faith is not some weak and pitiful emotion, but is strong and vigorous confidence built on the fact that God alone is Holy love. And even though you can’t see Him right now and cannot understand what he is doing, you know Him. Jesus prayed, ‘This is eternal life, that they may know You…’(John 17:3). The real meaning of eternal life is a life that can face anything it has to face without wavering.”
If you are feeling stretched beyond what you can bear, know that God has not lost His aim.
elli Says:
Ruthann Says:
November 2nd, 2009 at 10:03 pm
yup. that was for me. thanks.